8. Twobie’s Letter, Part IV

Twobie here. I have a little bit of time to write before bedtime. Let’s get right to it.

        After hearing Metal Mouth’s story about Guy’s list of kids it was Fats’s turn to tell us about what he learned from tailing Another Guy (AKA Larry). As soon as we all recovered from the shock of discovering Guy’s list, Fats told us how he snuck out of Mr. Moug’s room during math to find Another Guy (AKA Larry) and follow him. I for one would never support sneaking out of class (especially math because we are learning how to add fractions and it would be easy to fall behind if you miss even a little bit of one class) but I guess you got to do what you got to do when it comes to tailing.

        Right outside of the cafeteria is where Fats found Another Guy (AKA Larry). Before Another Guy (AKA Larry) saw him, Fats ran down the hall and hid around the corner. From there he could peek around and watch Another Guy (AKA Larry) without being spotted. Larry (AKA Another Guy) was carrying another big box that said COOKIES on it. He pushed open the door to the cafeteria (which was a struggle because he was carrying the big heavy box with both hands, so he had to push the door with his head) and walked in followed quickly and stealthily by Fats. Inside the cafeteria Fats was surprised to find every single first and second grader that goes to Francis P. Mingleton Elementary. It turns out they eat lunch right before we do (all of us third graders eat at the same time as the fourth graders, right after social studies) which none of us ever realized because we are in class while they are doing it so we had no way of knowing their lunch schedule. Anyway the cafeteria was full so Fats had to think of a new plan because he was originally going to sneak around and hide under the lunch tables because he expected them to be empty.

        Fortunately Fats is pretty good at thinking on his feet. He kept his head down so he wouldn’t be spotted by any of the first or second grade teachers who had him in their class, because they would know that he was not supposed to be in the cafeteria because he is in third grade, not first grade or second grade. He looked up just for a second to see what Another Guy (AKA Larry) was doing. The doofus was carrying the “cookies” (yeah right) towards the food line, just like the other day when we saw him. So Fats acted as young as he could to blend in with the second graders and he stood at the end of the food line. Because Another Guy (AKA Larry) is a faculty member he gets to walk right into the food line room without waiting in line, but the line was not very long which is lucky because then Fats could wait in it without letting Another Guy (AKA Larry) out of his sight.

        Soon Fats was inside the food line room and he ordered a lunch. He went through the line station by station, while the lunch man put each food on his plate, first a corn dog then a salad then baby corn. While this was going on Fats watched Another Guy (AKA Larry) take the “cookie” box behind the counter onto the side where the lunch people work. He put the box down and opened it, but Fats couldn’t see inside of it because the counter is taller than Fats is. Then the lunch man said “What would you like to drink?” and Fats answered “Milk” like he always does because Fats loves milk and then the lunch man reached to get a milk from the shelf the milk is stored on. “Hm? Oh, we’re all out of milk!” said the lunch man, and before Fats could ask for an lemonade instead, Another Guy (AKA Larry) said “Don’t worry, I got a whole box of milk right here.” and he pulled out a milk and handed it to Fats.


        According to Fats, Another Guy (AKA Larry) smiled real mean and evilly at him when he handed the milk over, which I drew my interpretation of. Fats was so confused by why there would be milk in a box labelled COOKIES and by the evil smile and by being on an undercover tailing mission that he forgot to say “thank you.” He just took the milk and walked to the cash register to pay for his lunch. The lunch lady behind the register said “That’ll be three dollars and eighty nine cents” and Fats reached into his pocket to get the money. But then the lunch lady looked down at Fats and squinted at him for a minute. Then she said “Wait a minute, aren’t you Fats (except she said his real name)? Yeah. You’re in the third grade, aren’t you? What are you doing here? This isn’t third grade lunch time!”

        To make a long story short, Fats was escorted out of the cafeteria by Miss Berkely who was on lunch duty. This extra was embarrassing because Fats had a huge crush on Miss Berkely when she was his teacher in first grade. She took him to Dr. Barrel’s office. Dr. Barrel is the principal of Francis P. Mingleton Elementary, so this is a big deal. Fats had never been to the principal’s office before. The story he told Dr. Barrel was he was sitting in math and his tummy started rumbling and he got so hungry that he just had to sneak out and get something to eat. Dr. Barrel seemed like she was a little suspicious of this story and kept asking questions like “That’s all? Are you sure?” but Fats didn’t give her any more information so he thinks she bought it. Then they sent him back to math class, which only lasted another five minutes so he missed pretty much all of it but they didn’t call his parents or give him a detention or anything like that because it was the first time they ever caught him doing anything bad.

        Fats says he would have got away with his undercover operation if he had remembered to say “thank you” when Another Guy (AKA Larry) gave him the milk. He says that second graders always say “thank you” even if the person they are saying it to gives them a creepy smile and has an awfully suspicious box filled with milk even though it says it is filled with cookies. He says they do this because they are so little that they do anything their parents tell them, and parents are always telling little kids to say “please” and “thank you.” He says that’s how the lunch lady figured out he was not a second grader.

        Now it’s my turn! You probably remember that I tailed Other Guy. After Fats finished telling me and Metal Mouth his story, I went right ahead and then told mine. I tracked down Other Guy first thing in the morning, right after the bus dropped me off at school. I had ten minutes before I had to be in Mrs. Ingle’s class for morning meeting which I hoped would be more than enough time, and boy was I right!

        Darn, I have to go to bed! I lost track of time and my mom is on her way up the stairs right now! I’ll add a few pages about me tailing Other Guy and about the newest member of TAFBS, a kid codenamed Matchstick, ASAP.

PS – ASAP means as soon as possible, in case you were wondering.

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